Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
