Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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