that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
