Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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