The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
