Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
