you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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