Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
