I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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