She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
