you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
