I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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