so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
