That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
