I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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