I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
