My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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