Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
