I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
