btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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