We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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