Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
