if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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