I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
