He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
