; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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