omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
