her vagine was all disorganized.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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