its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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