At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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