i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
