Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
