So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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