You're so nebulous sometimes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
