I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
