Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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