She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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