bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You are a genius and a whore.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
