Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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