I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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