he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
