so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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