I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
