We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
