I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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