I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
