Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
