just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
