youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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