She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
