First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
