Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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