if you like me you must not know who I am
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
