I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
