Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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