The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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