i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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