their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
