idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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